I love meeting people. I love talking to people. I love sharing. What I do not love is my tendency to doubt my own opinions around people that I admire, respect, or just think are freakin’ amazing. Doubt really stinks. Doubt leads to dis-ease, which leads me down the rabbit-hole of ‘shoulds’, comparison, and your garden variety low self-esteem. None of this is okay. And, what I’ve come to realize, none of my resultant feelings were intended by the friends who inspire me so much!
So what’s a girl to do? How do we nurture connection and esteem? How do we make space for another, while still claiming our own joy? We have to talk about it! We have to recognize when we are misinterpreting a friend’s spirit as ‘should’ and we have to recognize when things are just not good. Here are four ways I practice (re)claiming my day…
1) Claim your beautiful - Stop believing in another’s opinion of what your body should look like
Okay friends, this one is a BIGGIE for me. When did it become acceptable to have a (public) opinion of another’s physical form? Are we all physicians now? For real. It is quantifiably unacceptable to have an unwarranted opinion about another’s body, because, simply, we just do not know. As a recovered eating disorder sufferer and someone that works professionally in the field, I implore you to take my word on this. Further, if you are in a romantic relationship and someone is LUCKY enough to share your form with you the only appropriate opinion is gratitude. (And, you for them!) When we can all start living this, things will look a whole lot different. I call it beautiful.
2) Claim your giggle – Stop giving weight to another’s opinion of your feelings
Feelings are feelings. Yours are yours and mine are mine. Importantly, my feelings are not your feelings and this is how it should be! It’s great that someone might not want you to be sad (or mad or glad or …) BUT you have to feel your feelings. It serves no one to ‘want’ your feelings away. And, it definitely does not serve you to believe that someone’s opinion of how you should feel is better than your own heart. Your heart knows, and the more you trust your heart the more easily you will claim your delight!
3) Claim your yes – Stop waiting for another’s opinion of your choices
What if your final answer was your own? Everyday. I dare you! As we grow more confident in trusting our needs, we are better able to say ‘yes’. Now, this does not mean we will not make any mistakes. (Did I really need that extra cookie at lunch?… – probably not!) But, it does mean that our mistakes will be our own. It is important to make your own mistakes. When you make your own mistakes, you remain an agent. You get to fix them. You get to learn. You do not get to play the passive-aggressive blame game. Find your yes and find your no. Then, act accordingly. If someone has an opinion about it, let it be just that– an opinion! You’ve got this.
4) Claim you heart – Stop waiting for another to validate your love
What if you just trusted your heart? Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE girl-talking like the rest of you, but there comes a time when you know you better. Yes, you know you best of all. I’ve noticed in my own life, I do not often say things I know out of fear not out of confusion. And, too often, more is just more. Voices. Opinions. Confusion. On the most intrinsic level, we know what we want. We know what we like. We know what we love. Finding the voice for all of that, well, that can be trickier… My recommendation: start speaking. Start anywhere. Because fear, only holds you back. And, those voices that usually help you ‘process’, well, they will be there to cheerlead (and lovingly question) you along the way!
Love you. Love your life <3.