I'm a big kidder. I I've made a habit of calling myself "a technological idiot" and the like. And, I encourage people to affirm this. "Let me tell you about the time I deleted my entire music library. I suck at technology" (this is where you nod...) And, in truth, I am often not very adept with computers. I do not know what F1 means or the difference between 'apple' and 'option'. But, this does not make me an idiot or stupid. In fact, my lack of computer knowledge does not make me anything. It's much more simple than that. I do not know these things because I've never learned.
Here's my rub: I take it personally. I somehow let myself believe 'everyone gets it but me', and so I must be worse. Or, hugely flawed. It is my tendency to connect my internal (expectation) metric with my simple naivety (newness), which makes me feel like crap. And, this is on me! My self(worth)-identification of myself with experiences that are new or outside of my scope of knowledge is not a healthy practice. In fact, it can be downright harmful!
Just like a new student taking there first asana class, I need to remember that most of this language is confusing and foreign. I need to remember that learning is part of the growth process. I need to allow myself to ask questions and surrender the "should" expectation. Because, really-- what 'should' I know about the backend of ITunes?! According to whom?!...
We need to allow ourselves to know 'nothing'. We need to do this with the excitement of our childhood temperament and not with the awkward comparison mindset so many of us have adapted as 'grown ups'. We need to practice this delightful 'nothing'. Daily. I would never berate a new yoga student for having questions or moving awkwardly. Yet, off the mat, I've noticed that I tend shame myself with a critical internal 'should' voice. All. The. Time. When practically, it's just a computer. Or, a yoga pose. Or, a _____. You get the idea... Our very healthy tendency to flail with new things is not a personal value judgement. Any value judgements are from our minds!
The Poses Do Not Have Opinions
So, the next time you unroll yourself on your mat (or laptop!), can you remember that each situation does not have an opinion. The opinions are all coming from you and your stories. And, when we can giggle at our grown-up stories, we can begin to surrender our opinions and have a whole lot more fun!