Recently, I went through what I guess you could call, a personal rough patch. Financially, emotionally and physically, one thing after another seemed to be going very wrong.
On the afternoon I finally succumbed to all the frustration, anger and fear that had been building, landing in a crying heap, all I kept thinking is, what is wrong with me? Why am I so upset? Yes, things are really hard right now but why am I feeling this bad?
I do yoga, try to eat clean, journal and meditate. Shouldn't I know how to deal with life throwing a few curves my way? Shouldn't I be “above” how stressed out and scared I am right now? How can I be hurting this much?
Over and over, the thought repeated: something is wrong with me. And with each repetition, I felt even lower and more hopeless.
That's when I realized something I'd been missing, something that was adding to my struggle and pain:
Nothing is wrong with me.
Imperfect But Not Broken
Feeling overwhelmed, scared, upset and utterly alone at times is a normal part of the human experience. Our usual, initial reaction is to run from this and to scramble for anything we hope will make the pain go away. When that doesn't work, another unfortunate reaction is to blame ourselves for the way we feel.
“If only I were prettier, thinner, richer, smarter or better in every way, my life wouldn't be such a mess and I would not be feeling so sad. What is wrong with me?”
But this kind of thinking along with wondering why I wasn't handling things like Wonder Woman was causing as much pain as the problems I was trying to deal with.
Kindness In Uneasy Times
Treating our mind, body and soul with kindness and love is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves. We can do yoga to help us manage stress and feel good, we meditate to help us think and react more clearly and in a loving way and eat nourishing, whole foods so we feel better from the inside out.
And while I absolutely know all these things are worth while, it's also important to know that none of these can keep bad things from happening.
When life gets really tough and we temporarily feel small or low or angry or fearful, it does not mean we have failed, we are not spiritual enough or are broken in some way.
It means we have a heart and feelings. It means we are human and alive.
The Beautiful Truth
Knowing this, embracing it and being able to just be where we are today instead of fighting our feelings and selves can be the beginning of relief and a continuation of that loving kindness we work so hard at with all the external ways we take care of ourselves.
It's the key I was missing but once discovered, became the balm I needed and the beginning of my climb back to happiness.
So here's the beautiful truth: bad things happen. Sometimes just a little and sometimes it's everything all at once. Crying on the floor, heartbroken or alone and scared, you are not broken.
There is nothing wrong with you.