A friend recently asked me for support around her habit of disordered eating and a bit of love. You see, like me (us), she struggles to see the beauty that is already is. I know this struggle like my hand -- familiar, used, and, yet, rarely seen for what it can share. I wrote her a letter...then, I realized I was writing to myself.
Here's What I Wrote...
I am so sorry you are struggling. I've been there (and even am there at times). And, for what it's worth, you are doing something by being honest. That's a sweet reminder to yourself that you deserve some peace here...
I know that there are many opinions on food/measurements/metrics. For me, I do my best when there is less awareness around these things. All of the numbers and cataloguing only gives me a reason to 'fail' to myself. And, my metrics are grounded in... well, nothing. Unless of course, you count self-defeating rules and fantastical ideals...). I know it's cliche but I try to have a successful day based on experience not consumption. It's a hard one and it might make me a bit of a workaholic... My work now is to (re)learn an internal sense of self-worth so that I do not look towards anything to measure myself or love/hate myself. It's a hard one. We have to learn to love ourselves from the inside out.
Still, I find that sometimes I have to change my energy. This can mean talking to someone. It can mean walking. It can mean yoga. It can mean breathing. But, I know that often I can't think myself into a better way of feeling. I usually need some type of output to move myself there.
Talking always helps a lot too. But, it's complicated to sit through the reactive habits around what I programmed myself to believe were 'wrong' or 'shameful' or 'bad'. Fortunately, I've found some lovely people that have helped remind my that I am not my behaviors. You are one of those people.
Thank you for letting me be there for you. I hope this makes sense. And, I hope you find some comfort.
You are awesome. I know that things are hard right now. Remember though, you are okay, and lovely. As you. This other stuff is reminding you that there are parts of you that need attention. I'm glad you are giving yourself the space for that.