Truth time. I do too much. I'm like the student that skips savasana. And, I know better! Yet, somewhere between "yes" and friends, and "yes" and teaching, and (sigh...) "yes?", I let my balance fall away. And, when my balance falls away I am quick to antagonize myself into a space where I believe that my stressed state is how this has to be. Um agency?!! When we let ourselves believe that we have no control over the state of our days we perpetuate a state of powerlessness. For me, I had let myself believe that I could do nothing about my over-stocked life, because I was 'needed.' Hello ego! Thank goodness for the grounded people in my life. Thank goodness for love. Enter my mother: "People will get over it." I am very grateful I have people to remind me that they not only love me but that I need to love me too!
Patterns are Powerful
As I strip myself away from doing too much, yet again, I'm asking: How can I find a way to need myself? Because, in typical Jamie fashion, I have once again fallen into my trap of believing that I need to do things to recognize my value. And, although I cognitively know the error of this, I need to know it in my bones. I've recognized on the mat that I am the same girl before and after a handstand and I've cognitively recognized that I'm the same girl before and after X # of favors but, I still tend to engage in my life in a way that calls the latter belief into question. So now, I'm calling myself out. Because, the cognitive truth that my own worth is constant no matter what is the constant that matters. And, although, I very much love what I do, I need to learn how to better love myself when I am not doing. This is my practice.
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
What I've learned is that patterns and people show up in our lives until we consciously recognize that they are there. Once recognized, we can chose to receive them or receive their teaching. Only then, do we change or move on. This is why we tend to date the same partner again and again. Or, in my case, why we can find ourselves in the same cycles of maladaptive behaviors. Importantly,the only way to effectively change something is to learn something. And, the only way to effectively learn something, is to love something. The something is you.
The Crux of Too Much
The crux of this learning is that when we do too much, we set ourselves up for failure. Like digestion, learning and assimilation takes place in a relaxed state. We cannot change or grow when we are moving. Our energy is too diverted. This is an inherent truth in our yoga practice as well. Our practice is not complete without savasana (corpse pose) where we assimilate our practice and receive the nourishment of our efforts. When we do too much we never get the chance to be grateful and fed by our work. So, do a bit less. Smile a bit more. Love you.